


romantic things better left unsaid

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Doubt, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Pre-Years of the Trees, Unhealthy Relationships, hinata likes him too, yamaguchi has a crush on kageyama, yamaguchi is dating tsukishima
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 16:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11924586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: should you stay with someone who makes you unhappy? should you stay with someone who makes everyone else unhappy but they treat you different? is it really cheating if you don't love each other at all?do you love him or are you just searching for a replacement?





	romantic things better left unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> this was 96% done like a year ago and i wrote like the last few paragraphs in a few hours. i really like this but i'm not sure what direction i want this to go and i might not finish it. in the tags it say break up but once again i'm not sure if i will even continue working on this. but i really do like it, so if you like it too let me know and i will start thinking about some more ideas for it.

Yamaguchi is a hopeless romantic. 

That's what he thinks, he loves people, and he loves it when people love him. It's not a crime, he hammers that into himself, because sometimes, he feels like it is. Especially when he's deep into a dark hole where he doesn't know where to turn. 

After a long time coming, Yamaguchi fell in love with his best friend Tsukishima. Tsukishima felt the same way, and it was made obvious when the tall blonde asked Yamaguchi to be his boyfriend. They have been happy for months, so happy and so elated. They would stay over at each other's houses and often sleep in the same bed and would wake to the sight of the other framed by the sun. They would wake to half-open eyes and fucked up hair and bad breath and it was so, so wonderful. 

Yet it started to get less wonderful. The honeymoon stage faded quick and they were back to the way it usually was, which was fine because the two of them never had any complaints about their relationship before. Yamaguchi wasn't totally fine though, because over the course of the snide remarks and rough looks, he started to realize that he didn’t feel too happy anymore. Before they were dating, Yamaguchi thought to be a hindrance to Tsukishima was funny when it happened, and he thought it was just a part of being best friends, but now it feels wrong now that they're dating.

It also took a long-ass time for Yamaguchi to realize how inferior he is to Tsukishima. He has always known that Tsukishima was smarter, better at volleyball, and more attractive than himself but it hit him hard because it was starting to matter. Tsukishima is indescribably intelligent, he's not only book smart, but he has amazing common sense; not only that but he has excellent knowledge of politics and what goes on behind the scenes. He's so attractive that he has no problem pointing out the flaws of other people, which he does sometimes to amuse himself. On top of all that, he actually has a lot of friends. He gets along with Kuroo, Bokuto, Kenma, Akaashi, and he even has people that he talks to on Skype frequently. This worries Yamaguchi greatly because often he will hear Tsukishima talk shit about strangers and his friends and it gets him thinking. 

_What does he say about me?_

Yamaguchi thinks about these things a lot and it has taken the joy out of everything. He thinks about the times that Tsukishima has taunted him about his intelligence, he thinks about how Tsukishima will ask him things that Tsukishima _knows_ he doesn't know about. _Tadashi look at what I got on the test. What did you get?_

That isn't his fault, Yamaguchi can't blame Tsukishima for good genetics and hard work. Yamaguchi ends every similar string of thought by deprecating himself and lifting Tsukishima on a pedestal. 

Lately, Yamaguchi has been feeling a lot better. He and the rest of the first years on the volleyball team have gotten closer, and have started to do most things together. It is sure as hell less stressful than dealing with Tsukishima alone. Yamaguchi shunned himself again because it isn't Tsukishima's fault. 

Yamaguchi never really thought about how attractive Kageyama was until he saw him smiling genuinely. He has gotten to know Kageyama way better as of late, which makes the most sense since he knew least about him in the first place. Kageyama was similar to Tsukishima in that he was blunt, but Kageyama didn't hide his emotions. Yamaguchi feels that this is a trait that Kageyama developed very recently because volleyball has helped him to open up and be more direct with what he thinks, which is something that he has been able to apply to his life outside of volleyball. If Kageyama thinks someone looks good that day, he'd tell them, but if he thought they looked bad, he'd probably tell them that too. 

That sure was easier than having to read the infinitesimally small features of the face to understand what the person was feeling. Yamaguchi is found himself gravitating towards Kageyama more and more. He'd walk with the other when he wanted to get some milk, he'd entrust the setter with his books if he didn't have enough room in his bag that day. He'd call him on the phone just to talk, and he would ask for some volleyball tips. 

When he would go to morning volleyball practice, he would wonder about what they would talk about that day. He would replay anytime that they had touched or exchanged affectionate words. He would talk to everyone about him. 

It was when Yamaguchi began obsessing over the way that Kageyama walked that he became aware that he liked Kageyama. 

Yamaguchi brushed it off though, because he has had little crushes on people throughout some of his relationships, and they have always gone away with time. But this one wasn't going away, it just kept getting more prevalent. 

Yamaguchi and Hinata were walking to the club room when the subject was brought up. "Yamaguchi, I think I like Kageyama, but like, not a joke, you know what I mean?" 

Yamaguchi's head was swimming and if he thought any harder he would have passed out. He laughed a little to try and calm himself down, "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." 

Hinata smiled and bumped his elbow to Yamaguchi's, "Do you?" 

"Of course, because I think I like him too." 

Hinata stopped and outright laughed, but it was more confused and shocked. "Wait, what? You're dating Tsukishima, how do you like Kageyama?" 

"Hinata! Be quiet!" Yamaguchi grabbed one of Hinata's shoulders and yanked him closer, "It's just a little crush, okay?" 

"Haha, dude this is crazy, you're so fucked." 

"I know, shit. It just happened so quickly, I don't know what to do!" Yamaguchi withdrew his hand from his friend's shoulder to run it through his hair. Hinata smiled, it was a pity smile, and he took Yamaguchi by the wrist. 

"Hey, come on, let's sit on that bench right there, I think you need some help with this." 

Yamaguchi let the other drag him to the bench where they sat. Hinata brought his legs up onto the bench in a crisscross and rested his hands on his knees. He took a big breath in and let it out like he was about to drop some deep shit. "Have you like, thought about breaking up with Tsukishima?" 

_Yeah,_ Yamaguchi wants to say, but what Hinata means and what Yamaguchi thinks are different. Yamaguchi has thought about being without Tsukishima, but it has always been in fear because even now, Yamaguchi doesn't want to leave him. There is no way around it, he can't have both. "I don't want to break up with Tsukishima but I really like Kageyama." 

"Hm. I guess I understand that, you don't want to break his heart?" 

That isn't it either, Yamaguchi _doesn't_ want to break Tsukishima's heart but that isn't what is keeping Yamaguchi from breaking up with him. He likes that Tsukishima, the always annoyed Negative Nancy, loves _him_ and kisses _him_ and treats him the best. He likes that he can say that his boyfriend is blonde and beautiful and sought after by most of the girls in his school, and he likes that he can say that his boyfriend is unbelievably smart and cool and that despite all of that, he still likes Yamaguchi. He loves the novelty of Tsukishima, he loves the idea of Tsukishima. 

But he doesn't love Tsukishima. 

When Tsukishima smiles, Yamaguchi loves it, but not because he thinks it's amazing, but because Tsukishima only smiles for him. He doesn't love Tsukishima, but he doesn't think he could ever let him go. 

"No," Yamaguchi's mouth stays open, but nothing escapes. His words stay hidden at the back of his throat, burning all the way up to his nose. 

"You want them both?" Hinata tilts his head forward to try and get eye to eye with Yamaguchi, who has since ducked his head down. Yamaguchi nods. Even if it isn't perfect to his situation, there are things better left unsaid. "You can't do that, can you?" 

Yamaguchi shakes his head, "I can't." 

Hinata hums deep in his throat like he's contemplating. Yamaguchi can imagine what his face might look like but he wouldn't dare look up to see it himself. "You're going to have to think long and hard about this one, Yamaguchi." 

Yamaguchi looks to see Hinata deep in thought and is mildly flattered that he is worth trying to help when he's being so selfish. "I know." 

Hinata smiles nervously, "Like, that's a lot of shit. This sucks. You got to weigh the pros and cons. Because if you do this wrong," 

"You might lose them both." 

It shouldn't have been shocking to Yamaguchi, but the air suddenly got too thick and his breath became shallow. He rolled up his sleeves and ran his hand through his hair again. He couldn't lose them both. 

"You have to think about this for a long time, I guess. I mean, don’t' rush into it. You have only known Kageyama for a year, but you've known Tsukishima for your whole life almost. Shouldn't it come down to who you're most afraid of losing?" 

It should, and Yamaguchi is more afraid of losing Tsukishima. He's spent many nights wondering about how he would have to readjust his entire life if Tsukishima was gone and not with him anymore. Yamaguchi knows better, though. This relationship wasn't going to work from the start, there are just some people who aren't romantically compatible. Yamaguchi hated feeling inferior all of the time, and he hated that there was nothing that could be done about it. 

He wouldn't call his current relationship abusive, but he wouldn't call it healthy either. Yamaguchi knew that from the first day, the relationship would end because of the incompatibility of their flaws and the natures of their personalities. 

He wants to pursue Kageyama, but he doesn't know if it would be just as bad as his current situation. There were too many variables for any outcome to be perfect and wonderful. 

"I don't know," Yamaguchi looked at Hinata again, "no situation will ever work out." 

Hinata smiled sadly and nodded, "that's what I'm gathering. I'm sorry, Yamaguchi." 

Yamaguchi copied Hinata's expression and sighed, his shoulders falling in the process, "why should you be sorry? Don't you want Kageyama yourself?" 

Hinata looked to the side, "I do, but it's nothing that really bothers me too much. It's a little crush. I see the way he looks at you." 

Yamaguchi flushed. 

 

The entirety of practice for Yamaguchi was spent drowning in thoughts of Kageyama, thoughts of them together, thoughts of them alone. He was so dazed that his body went into auto-pilot when he went in for a block. Because of this, he was unaware that his jump wasn't quite high enough for the ball to hit his arms or the palm of his hand. Tanaka's spike had hit his ring and pinky finger hard, hard enough to snap Yamaguchi out of his selfish mind. 

Yamaguchi cried out in pain and fell to the ground on his rear. He held his fingers together with his other and hissed at the feeling akin to needles piercing his skin. Tanaka was shouting apologies from the other side of the net while the majority of the team came around to crowd Yamaguchi. Ennoshita, realizing that practice was pretty much over anyway, called it off early and told everyone to give Yamaguchi space. The team reluctantly left the gym to make way for the club room except for Tanaka and Ennoshita who went to get some gauze and athletic tape. 

Yamaguchi sat hunched over the floor in a trance accompanied by the sight of his own blood dripping onto the waxy gym floor. Shaking away the nothingness, he stood. As if on cue, Tanaka entered with the first aid kit and treated Yamaguchi's finger along with apologizing profusely. 

"Yamaguchi," the freckled boy jumped at his name, "I got your stuff for you." 

Yamaguchi looked to see Kageyama, a look of indifference in his eyes. "Oh, thanks," 

Kageyama stood and watched as his fellow teammate wrapped the tape around the gauze and around Yamaguchi's fingers, and he continued to watch as he walked away. Once Tanaka had left, Kageyama started up again, "Do you want to walk home together?" 

Yamaguchi rubbed his taped fingers idly, "Ah, don't you walk home with Hinata though?" 

"Not usually," Kageyama looked to the side, the way his arms were collapsed into his body made him appear quite sheepish. 

"I can," Yamaguchi stumbled, "if that's what you would like. Tsukki would be coming with us, right?" 

The other's eyes darted to a different side of the room, still not aligning with Yamaguchi's, "he's taking a while." 

Yamaguchi heated up, "I mean, we could go alone. Together. " 

"Alone together?" Kageyama smirked. 

"You know what I mean!" Yamaguchi stammered and covered his red face. When he peeked through his free fingers he saw that genuine smile. 

When the two of them walked out of the gym and onto the sidewalk, they fell into step almost instantly.

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me if this is something you're into, i think i have a direction i might want to go on this one but feedback is greatly appreciated :))


End file.
